The Tweakerzoids...Again

 This morning while me and my dogs were enjoying a plate of sausage and eggs there's a knock at the door.

Dogs go ape. 

I have a Boxer and a Pitbull. Both are huge. Both are intact. Both love the hell outta mama. And if they sense any anxiety/danger from me they go into instant ass eating mode. If I was the person with bad intentions on wrong side of  butthe othingdoor ass and elbows getting as far away from those huge, very fucking serious guard dogs, in the shortest amount of time humanly possible.

 Fuck, I'd prolly set the ground on fire hauling ass.

But, meth is a hell of a drug, as they do say...where apparently you're afraid of imaginary people stealing from you but not scared of hella serious REAL guard dogs fixing to eat your ass. 

Go figure...right?

Since the dogs didn't alert to a car puling up I knew it had to be the Tweakerzoids from up the road,who always appear like a bad omen out of nowhere and claim that someone is using my property to access theirs and stealing stuff from them.

I look out the window and...Oh Goddamn wadda'ya fucking know..it's the guy half of the tweakerzoid duo.

I ease over and lock the door and ask him what he wants. He says some unintelligible shit (to be fair the dogs were raising hell and I'm partially deaf) that I couldn't understand.

So I ask again.

Same inability to understand.

So I thought I'd have a little fun..I.unlock the door and open it just enough to show two sets of snarling teeth, one on right side of door and one under the bottom, both real fucking intent on serious up close and personal investigation of whoever is on other side of their door. Both growling and snarling.

 I have a male Boxer and a male Pitbull. 

Both are huge.

Both are intact. 

Both love the hell outta mama, family and territory.

And if they sense any anxiety/danger from me they go into instant gobble your mother fucking ass up mode.

I haven't taught either if them to do that.

But good dogs don't need to be taught such things. They know.

 If I was the person with bad intentions on wrong side of  the door,a I'd be ass and elbows getting as far away from those huge, very fucking serious guard dogs, in the shortest amount of time humanly possible.

 Fuck, I'd prolly set the ground on fire hauling ass

Tweak-a-zoid:  (for the billionth time it seems, says) "You seen anybody been parking down here on your property and walking through the woods to my place and stealing shit."

Me: "Nope that has never happened. You've been down here three or four times before with the same story. 

Once you and your girlfriend came twirling matching machetes like majorettes from hell."

"One of your friends got stuck in my yard and ran over my mailboxes. Hell, he almost ran over himself. (he couldn't put his transmission in reverse....so he parks on my hill and climbs under the fucking monster hot pink/red SUV in a way that he will be crushed if he manages to get his truck in gear while laying under the front left tire...Like only a tweaker would do some insane shit like that right?") Then, when I stick my head out the door and ask him what the fuck he wanted, he jumps up like I shot him and says,"I nearly runt over my gotdamn self"....(as if that's my fucking doing, or something?)

Once two guys pulled up in a truck and started shooting in the woods toward your place. I can't prove that had anything to do with y'all but I'm convinced it did nevertheless.

 You need to get off my property and don't come back down here again."

He leaves or at least I think he does as my Pitbull and Boxer follow his progress from various windows.

After a few minutes Strike Force One and Two settle down, so I figure he's gone.

Wrong

  The Strike Force starts barking again and I look out my window and see him sitting in his vehicle  up on MY (notice how l emphasised MY) hill at the top of MY driveway like he owns the fucking place and hadn't been told to "GET THE FUCK OFF MY PROPERTEEEEkE....NAY-UHHH" (Fuzzy Lumpkins reference for the cartoon Network challenged).

Now, these paranoid tweakers have gates and fences and signs all over their property. And, never, not once, have I marched my ass onto their property for any fucking reason whatsoever. 

And I've had reason to. 

Mainly their bullshit spilling into my yard in the form of their customers vehicles getting stuck out here, their customer running  over my mailboxes or their plugs coming onto my property and shooting through the woods toward their place.

So why do these Tweak-a-zoids think it's perfectly acceptable to walk up on my shit whenever they fucking feel like it?

I just can't figgur it, y'all?

So, I call the sheriff's office and talk to a detective and explain the situation and ask what I should do at this point.

Detective asks if I know their names. I tell him I do not but I do know their address. I give it to him. He starts chuckling and asks me if it's a skinny white guy with a shaved head who often wears a bandana and has a female companion who has a crooked eye accompanying him?

Me: "Yep at's em. But the girl wasn't with him today. Sounds like y'all know'um?"

Detective: "Oh yeah we know who'um. And the girl who's usually with him has been in jail for about three weeks."

Me:"Well what are my options at this point? They're scary delusional nut cases that are convinced that someone is using the woods on my property to steal from them. ( I suspect it's nothing but deer trails freaking them out.)t I told them that's not happening. I've told them not to come back on my place. Yet they keep coming. What do y'all recommend?"

Deputy: "We'll send someone out there and tell them to stay off your place and if they come back after that you can have them arrested."

So that's where we are in the Tweakerzoid saga.